All About Doug
EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED
TO KNOW ABOUT DOUG
Born in a manger in the small town of Bethlehem, Douglas Peter Palermo was heralded as the much awaited second coming of Barry Goldwater.
Raised in the New Jersey suburb of Hopatcong, which has the highest rate of topless bars per square mile, young Doug learned the fine art of napkin folding from wandering gypsies who occasionally lived in his attic.
Doug got his education inside the Ivy covered halls of Hopatcong High School, where he is now currently working on his masters thesis on the effects of basketball on Puritan ideals in America.
Some vital Doug Stats*:
Height- 6'4" ---------- Reach- 26"
Weight- 9 stone ---- Chest(normal)- 54"
Waist- 40" ----------- Chest(inflated)- 62"
(* measurements have an error factor of +/- 3')
Favorite Food - Potatoe skins loaded with cheddar, sour cream, and bacon
Favorite Drink - Original Malt Ovaltine (shaken, not stirred)
Favorite Movie - Strange Brew: The Adventures of Bob and Doug Mackenzie
Favorite T.V. Show - Sledge Hammer (now cancelled)
Favorite Game Show- Press Your Luck (Whammeys kick ass)
Favorite Talk Show - The Mo Gaffney Show (now cancelled)
Favorite Menendez Brother- JoJo
Favorite President- John Tyler
Favorite Vice President- Alvin W. Barkley
Favorite Chief Justice- Freddy "Boom Boom" Vinson
Favorite Word- eleemosynary
Favorite Vowel- U
Favorite Communist Dictator- Fidel Castro
Favorite Smurf- Doc
Favorite Part of the Parabola- Latus rectum
Some of Doug's Heroe's and Role Models:
Dan Pekatowski (sandlot baseball legend)
Mike Gminski (N.B.A. great)
Jessie Williams (Dover High School footbal star)
Brian Downing (greatest baseball player ever)
Mr. John McKenna (All around cool guy)
Reggie Jackson (enough said)
Ed Vergano (GOD!!!!)
In a nutshell, Doug is just your average American teenager:
He plays a lot of tennis;
He breeds hamsters;
He supports the John Birch Society;
He votes Libertarian;
He watches the Discovery Channel; and
He never smokes, drinks, or listens to Pearl Jam.
If Doug sounds like your type of guy, you can e-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org, and if he has nothing better to do, he may even respond to you.