The Constitution of Feff World
The Constitution of Feff World

We the people of Feff World, in order to form a more perfect web page, bring joy to the world, give people a reason to live, establish a forum for alternative political ideologies, and impress chicks, do ordain and establish this Constitution for Feff World.

Article I

Section 1. All legislative powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of Feff World, which shall consist of two guys, Joe Hewitt and Doug Palermo.

Section 2. The House of Joe shall be composed of, well, just one member, Joe. There will be no elections, there are no term limits, and Joe cannot be impeached. If Joe dies while still in office, well, then we are all screwed.

Section 3.The Senate of Feff World, likewise, will consist solely of Doug, and the same rules apply to him that applied to Joe in Section 2.

Section 4. Congress shall assemble whenever they feel like e-mailing each other, or when both parties are present on the RiverMoo at equivalent times.

Section 5. There will be no journal kept of Congress' proceedings because that would be a total waste of time, and noone really cares about the damn proceedings.

Section 6. Neither Joe or Doug shall receive a compensation for their services, but they would gladly accept donations.

Section 7.Every bill which shall have passed the House of Joe and Doug shall become the official law of Feff World.

Section 8. The Congress shall have power: To borrow money on the credit of Feff World; To regulate commerce with the Indian tribes; To coin money that would most likely be of no value; To raise and support armies; To provide and maintain a navy; To declare war on other web pages; AND- To make all laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into execution all powers vested by this Constitution in the government of Feff World.

Section 9. There are no powers that are forbidden to Congress. It's their web page, and they can do whatever they damn well please.

Section 10. The individual sections of Feff World have absolutely no power, and they are governed completely by Congress.

Article II

Section 1. The executive power shall be vested in a Supreme Ruler of Feff World. His name is Ed Vergano. Ed will have no real power, being only a puppet of Congress, but to all visitors of Feff World he will be considered a God. Before he enters on the execution of his office, Ed shall take the following oath or affirmation:-"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of Supreme Ruler of Feff World, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of Feff World."

Section 2. Ed shall have no power over the Army and Navy of Feff World. Hell, I wouldn't even trust him with a plastic fork, the kid's nuts.

Section 3. Ed shall from time to time give the Congress information of the state of Feff World, but they probably won't listen to him. It would probably be best if he just left Congress alone.

Section 4. Ed cannot under any circumstances be impeached, because, to put it simply, he is God.

Article III

Section 1. The judicial power of Feff World, shall be vested in one Supreme Court. There will be nine members of the court, who will remain nameless, and they will meet on the first thursday of every month in the island nation of Sri Lanka.

Section 2. The judicial power shall extend to all cases, in law and equity, arising under this Constitution. The Supreme Court can declare laws of Congress unconstitutional, but that doesn't mean Joe or Doug have to listen to them.

Section 3. Treason against Feff World, shall consist only in levying war aginst them, or in adhering to their enemy web pages, giving them aid and comfort. Anyone convicted of treason against Feff World shall be castrated in a public ceremony.

Article IV

Section 1. All laws that apply to an individual section of Feff World apply to all the sections of Feff World. One cannot escape justice by leaving one section of Feff World and going to another.

Section 2. The visitors of each section shall be entitled to all privileges and immunities of visitors in the several sections. All sections of Feff World are equal.

Section 3. New sections may be admitted by Congress into Feff World.

Section 4. The government of Feff World shall guarantee to every section protection against invasion from other web pages.

Article V

The Congress, whenever both Doug and Joe shall deem it necessary, shall propose amendments to this Constitution. And when they both agree, the amendment will be added to this Constitution.

Article VI

This Constitution, and the laws of Feff World which shall be made in pursuance thereof; and all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of Feff World, shall be the supreme law of the Web Page.

Article VII

This Constitution will be ratified when the terms in it are agreed upon by both Joe and Doug. In witness whereof we have hereunto subscribed our names,

Joseph Douglas

Amendments to the Constitution

Amendment 1

All visitors of Feff World have the right to say or write whatever they feel like. Feff World is a free society and there will be no censorship.

Amendment 2

There is no freedom of religion in Feff World. All visitors must accept Ed Vergano as their God and submit to his wishes. The Church of Ed will be the government sponsered church of Feff World.

Amendment 3

From time to time visitors of Feff World will be required to provide housing for either Joe or Doug. If this is refused, then the guilty party will be forced to watch the Joy Luck Club over and over again.

Amendment 4

Visitors of Feff World have the right to bear arms, but I can't see why they would want to, there is no use for guns on the Internet.

Amendment 5

Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within Feff World, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

Amendment 6

If at any time the government of Feff World finds concrete proof of alien existence, it will promptly inform all visitors of Feff World of the information. There will be no cover-up.

Amendment 7

If Ed, the Supreme Ruler of Feff World, dies while still in office then there will be a major cover-up. Joe and Doug will go on with busness as usual, pretending that Ed is still alive. The visitors of Feff World cannot know that Ed died because he is supposed to be their God.

Amendment 8

Every October 18th will be observed as the official holiday of Feff World because it was on that date in 1977 that Reginald Martinez Jackson hit three home-runs on three swings in game six of the World Series. All schools and government offices will be closed on this day of celebration.

Amendment 9

Every four years Feff World will host the official World Wide Web Olympics. Web pages from all over will be invited, and the events will include indoor fast-pitch wiffleball and badminton.

Amendment 10

All visitors to Feff World are equal, regardless of race, sex, or creed. This equal rights amendment was very important to all of us here at Feff World and should be taken seriously. Hate based on ignorance will not be tolerated in Feff World.