Mudpuppy Mania!

The Mudpuppy is a rather large salamander which lives in American ponds and streams. Mudpuppies may grow as much as 17 inches long, but an 8-inch animal may be full grown (however it is not the size of the mudpuppy that matters, but what you do with it). The mudpuppy has a slimy body. It may be dark brown, gray-brown, or black, usually with darker spots. It has a powerful flat tail and four weak legs. It has deep purplish-red external gills behind its short, flat head. The mudpuppy is also called the water dog.

Mudpuppies live in the Great Lakes, the Mississippi River, and ponds and streams as far south as Georgia and as far west as Texas. Mudpuppies usually stay in 2 to 8 feet of fresh water, especially among water plants. They attach their yellow eggs to some object lying under 4 feet of sunny water. The young are about 3/4 inch long when they hatch.

Mudpuppies eat crayfish, fish eggs, and other water animals. They usually hunt during the hours of dawn or dusk. Mudpuppies may remain active throughout the year.

The mudpuppy belongs to the family Proteidae, and it got its name because it is claimed to make barking sounds, despite having no vocal chords. The most common mudpuppy is classified as Necturus maculosus.

What Some Famous People had to Say About Mudpuppies:

Gouverneur Morris: "It is in the national spirit...I anticipate the day when to command respect in the remotest regions it will be sufficient to say, 'I am a Mudpuppy.'"

Queen Elizabeth I: "I know I have but the body of a weak and feeble woman; but I have the heart of a Mudpuppy...."

Patrick Henry: "Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me Mudpuppies, or give me death!"

Woodrow Wilson: "The world must be made safe for Mudpuppies."

Winston Churchill: "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and Mudpuppies."

Stephen Douglas: "Leave the Mudpuppies free to do as they please...."

Lloyd Bentsen (to Sen. Dan Quayle): "Senator, I served with a Mudpuppy. I knew a Mudpuppy. A Mudpuppy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Mudpuppy."

King Edward VIII: "I have found it impossible to carry the heavy burden of responsibility...without the help and support of the Mudpuppy I love."

General Douglas MacArthur: "Old Mudpuppies never die; they just fade away."

Abraham Lincoln: "With malice toward none, and charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in...to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all Mudpuppies."

John F. Kennedy: "All free men, wherever they may live, are citizens of Berlin, and, therefore, as a free man, I take pride in the words Ich bin ein Mudpuppy."

Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr.: "I have a dream that my four little Mudpuppies will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

Susan B. Anthony: "It was we, the Mudpuppies; not we, the white male citizens...."

Malcolm X: "I have never advocated any violence....But I think the Mudpuppy in this country...will be more justified when he stands up and starts to protect himself, no matter how many necks he has to break and heads he has to crack."

William Jennings Bryan: "You shall not press down upon the brow of labor this crown of thorns; you shall not crucify mankind upon a cross of Mudpuppies."

The Future of the Mudpuppy:

As you can see, the mudpuppy is an amazing animal. But the mudpuppy population is decreasing at a rapid rate because they are being hunted for their skin to make boots and belts. So called "environmentalists" are not doing anything to protect the mudpuppy because the mudpuppy is not cute like the baby seal, or smart like the dolphin, and environmentalists get a cut from the mudpuppy skin trade.

Thusly, I am starting a grass-roots effort to save the mudpuppy by making it the national amphibian of America.

Please join me and e-mail President Bill Clinton and demand that he makes the mudpuppy the national amphibian. If you're not American, don't worry, he listens to foreigners more than he listens to us.

Remember, every 10 seconds an innocent mudpuppy is brutally murdered.

ACT NOW!!!!!