You quickly realize that this may not have been the best decision, as you began to sweat profusely under the lights of the cameras. Right off the bat they start asking you questions about your past, and your experience.
"You couldn't handle the responsibility of unpacking a box of pickle jars, but you want to be president?" Asked a stern looking Dan Rather.
The rest of the debate is just as harsh. The reporters really did their homework, as they constantly brought up stuff from your past that even you were too drunk to remember. And when they finally got to the issues, you cracked under pressure. You suggested printing more money to decrease the national debt, and you mentioned using the H-bomb on Japan about fifteen times.
All in all, your political career was ruined. But on a high note, so was Newt Gingrich's, just for associating with you. Both you and Newt were banished from politics, as you ended up working at a miniature golf course as a caddie, and Gingrich made a living selling Thigh Masters in shopping malls across the country. Your lawyer made sure the rest of your aunt's money went to her favorite charity, The Association for Retired Rodeo Clowns.
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