The Pope on Tour

Last week the second highest media covered event, next to O.J., was the arrival of Pope John Paul George and Ringo II to the United States. Call me blasphemous, but, despite being baptized Catholic, I really could care less. Yet people do care, and this guy has influence over the ideals and opinions of millions of people throughtout the world. It is for that reason that when the Pope does a stadium show, there's not a empty seat in the house.

When the Pope came to Jersey, to give mass at Giant Stadium, the reaction was tremendous. My grandmother had to wait in line 4 days to get Pope tickets. And the Pope wasn't gonna take any shit from Ticket Master, he circulated his tickets through the local churches. The day of the mass, Giant Stadium was a madhouse. I heard there was some bitchin tail-gate parties in the parking lot. I was scalping tickets outside the stadium, and brought home three thousand bucks for two tickets on the fifty yard line.

Now the last person I want to be is the poor guy who has to open for the Pope. Seventy Thousand people from all over the country coming to see his holiness, and your on stage telling jokes about your mother-in-law. Talk about tough crowds. I could just see the sign: TONIGHT ONLY, YOUR HOLINESS POPE JOHN PAUL II, along with the comedic stylings of Drew Carey. Sinatra himself could not open for the Pope.

Nobody puts on a better show than the Pope, the pyrotechnics are out of this world. I never want to be caught in the middle of the mosh pit at a Pope concert. All during the show people are throwing frisbees around, and girls are throwing their underware at him. The crowd waves their lighted Bic lighters during the sermon, and towards the end of communion the Pope does a stage dive. He does a couple encores, and the place goes nuts.

I once knew a guy who was a roadie for the Pope, and he said the number of groupies who try and get backstage is unbelievable. The t-shirts at a Pope concert, however, are really over-priced. Also the secruity there really cracks down on people trying to sneak in tape and video recorders to make bootleg copies of the concert.

I think the reason that other religions aren't as popular as Catholicism is because they don't have a Pope. All good religions need a Pope to survive. How can any religion, or facist country, thrive if there isn't a single dictator telling people how they should speak and act? You just can't have the people doing whatever they want, free will is just a pipe dream. There's no room for debate in any good religion, just blind faith. Yes Jesus is like a shepherd, because most the people who follow him are nothing but sheep, blindly following the herd. Thomas Jefferson's fears of organized religion were valid, and, like no other time other than now, it is slowly creeping into our government. Now I'm not one to say who are what you should believe in, but I can give you some simple advice that always worked for me: THINK FOR YOURSELF.

Well I probably pissed off a bunch of people already, so I think I will cut the Whack short this week. By the way, Monday the sixteenth was my birthday, so if I haven't gotten your card already you better hurry up. To conclude for this week, Old Blue Eyes has nothing on the Pope, Ticket Master has a monopoly over the concert industry, and the Pope was the best quaterback to come to Giant Stadium since Phil Simms retired.

Now for this week's special feature, Feff's top ten favorite religions:

10. Christianity
9. Judaism
8. Islam
7. Hinduism
6. Buddhism
5. Confucianism
4. Taoism
3. Shinto
2. Scientology
1. Verganoism (The Church of Ed)