Ground-Hog Day!

Well it's February once again, meaning the beauty and splendiness of Black History Month is upon us all. My family and I joined in on the festivities by decorating our Black History bush, proudly putting the Nation of Islam star and crescent moon on top. It's that time of year, as networks are airing specials commemorating the holiday. The Grinch who Stole Black History Month; Mr. Magoo's Black History Month Carol; Black History Month in Connecticut; A Very Brady Black History Month; and Charles Schultz's It's Black History Month, Franklin; are all some of my favorites. And who can turn on the radio this time of year without hearing such Black History Month classics as: Frosty the Militant Black Panther; It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Black History Month; We Need a Little Black History Month; All Alone on Black History Month; and Feliz Mes de Historia Negro. Yup, it's that time of year again.

Also the beginning of February marks another holiday that was celebrated this past Friday, Ground-Hog Day. To explain Ground-Hog Day I will share with you a passage I found interesting from the World Book Encyclopedia:

"According to the legend, the ground hog, or woodchuck, awakens from its long winter sleep on February 2. It sticks its head out of its home in the ground and looks around. If the sun is shining and the ground hog can see its shadow, it is frightened and crawls back into its hole. This is supposed to mean that there will be six more weeks of winter weather. But if the day is cloudy and the ground hog cannot see its shadow, it stays out of its hole, indicating spring weather will soon come. Science has not confirmed this."

Now was that last line really necessary? Either the people at World Book were trying to be funny, which they aren't really known for, are they take us for a bunch of idiots. First of all the whole premise of Ground-Hog Day is bogus. If it is sunny on February 2, there will be six more weeks of winter, and if it is cloudy, spring will come soon. That's just wrong. Let's say all of the ozone layer was destroyed and the Earth was turned into a huge desert. The ground hog would come out of and his hole, see his shadow, and there will be six more weeks of winter. Yeah right! I'll take great solace in knowing there will be six more weeks of winter as I am peeling off layers of burnt skin and cancerous lesions off my back! And let's just say one day the sun blew up and the Earth was turned into a frozen barren wasteland. The ground hog would come out of his hole, not see his shadow, and spring weather will soon be on its way. Yeah, another great call Mr. Ground-Hog!! I'll be sure to enjoy all of this beautiful spring weather once the iceberg I'm frozen in melts in a billion years!

So as you can see Ground-Hog Day is just some crock, probably made up by the Hallmark people to sell more cards. The only real purpose Ground-Hog Day serves, is to all the gamblers in Las Vegas who bet each year whether the ground hog will see his shadow or not. However Ground-Hog Day inspired a great Bill Murray movie, called suitably Ground-Hog Day. In the movie Murray gets to repeat the same day over and over again until he gets it right. If I got to do that I would probably be too busy betting on basketball to worry about much else.

Well talking about basketball, let's switch to my final topic of the week, the Magic Johnson comeback. My only question involving that is: Why? Is his ego that big? Not only does he have H.I.V., but he is old. And you couldn't anywhere this past Friday without hearing all the hype about the showdown between Jordan and Magic. Yeah, real competitive, perhaps the greatest basketball player of all time versus an overweight, middle-aged, H.I.V. patient. Now people are saying the Lakers will be competitors. Yeah what a bunch of bullshit, Magic Johnson couldn't lead a pack of wolves to a sheep. Hey Magic, we love ya, you were the greatest back in the eighties, but the NBA is at a high point, don't ruin it.

Well I think I wrap it up, so to conclude for this week, fifteen more shopping day left before President's Day; Magic Johnson will last as long as a player on the Lakers as he did as a coach; and the ground hog saw his shadow this year so there will be SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER!!!!

For this week's special feature, we have Feff's top ten favorite holidays aside from Ground-Hog Day:

10. Arbor Day
9. May Day
8. Walpurgis Night
7. Liberation Day
6. Flag Day
5. V-J Day
4. Cinco de Mayo
3. Boxing Day
2. Kwanzaa
1. Bastille Day