Back to School

This past Wednesday was the start of the school year once again, and I returned to the hallow halls of Hopatcong High School where I am now a senior. Since all of you really care very much, I'm going to walk you through my typical school day.

Morning routine: When the cock crows six times, I hop out of bed and begin to get ready for another fun-packed day of school. I jump in and then out of the shower, and then put on my typical school attire: short-sleeved golf shirt, wrinkle-free loose-fit Dockers, low cut tennis socks, and black Nike's. I eat my daily bowl of Fruity-Pebbles, and then kiss the wife and kids goodbye before heading to school. To get in the proper mood I listen to The Replacement's classic, Kids Don't Follow. while driving to school in my navy-blue '87 Plymouth Reliant.

Homeroom: I hurry into the school, through the posse of skaters, or whatever you want to call them, who just hang out outside the school smoking. I walk briskly down the hall, with my head down, making eye contact with nobody, as I approach my locker. At my locker I arrange my books and notebooks according to period, so I save time inbetween classes. Afterwards I go to my homeroom, and hang out with some friends, and discuss calculus homework, flag-football, and the fate of Lou Holtz as coach of the ever-declining Notre Dame Fighting Irish. After the final bell rings, the Pledge of Allegiance booms across the loudspeaker, and I scan the room as my obviously unpatriotic peers stand slouched over with their hats still on, chewing gum, and holding their hand lazily by their hearts.

First Period: After homeroom, I walk in a zombie-like state to my first period class, Calculus A.P. Upon entering the room, I promptly make my way to the back of the room and find my seat. During the class, I pay attention to class discussion up to the point that I believe I have everything figured out, and then I zone it out the rest of the period so I won't be confused. Usually at that point I trade Beavis and Butthead quotes with my friend, Steve, sitting next to me, or sing NOFX songs with my friend, Matt, behind me.

Second Period: Leaving first period, I'm still not quite awake as I as drag myself to my second period class, Drafting 4. This is one of my favorite classes, because I get to design my own house. My house kicks ass. It's a two story Victorian with an underground science lab, no indoor plumbing, slave quarters, and a moat. Also I'm being taught all the new concepts of architecture such as zoning laws, and the ever growing popularity of the Kato room in new designs.

Third Period: From third period, I scoot just down the hall a bit to my third period class, Psychology A.P. There's not much to say about Psychology, I just sit all period, not saying a word, and make plans for a hostile takeover of the American government in my notebook. Then I just get the homework, and teach myself the material when I get home.

Fourth Period: Next on my schedule is English 4 A.P. This is a class that normally I would hate, but for some reason I kind of like it. I think it is because of two main factors. First of all I love the name Gilgamesh, and secondly we analyze literature, which means making up complete bullshit, and that is what I do best. When there is no definite right or wrong answer, if you know how to bullshit you are always right.

Fifth Period: Fifth period is Accounting 2 with the great Mr. Carr, who I must say good things about because he visits Feff World occasionly. Accounting 2 consists of two parts: ten minutes of doing simple accounting procedures on the computer, and thirty minutes of playing games, such as Solataire, Doom, or, my personal favorite, Stunts, off the same computers. But hey Mr. Carr is a great teacher, and he is just showing us what it is like to be a real accountant.

Sixth Period: GYM!!! Need I say more? (Well actually I can say a lot more, but I'm holding off for next week when I devote an entire whack to high school gym class.)

Seventh Period: Coming from Gym, I'm usually all sweaty and my hair is messed up as I enter my seventh period class, Chemistry 2 A.P. But despite my disheveled state, I'm always ready to go in Chem. class. I don't have a real strong interest in chemistry, but for some reason that is the class that I work the hardest in. Maybe it is because of teacher who frequently lectures on how tough college is, and how the majority of professors don't speak English there. Also he constantly reminds us to work our hardest by hanging fast-food and supermarket uniforms around the room as a threat of where we'll end up if we cease working.

Eight Period: Finally I come to my final class, which is located in the Administration Building across from the school, Political Theory. This class has a lot of potential. Although it is still early, and I have stayed relatively quiet, I know eventually I'll start professing my political ideology, and get into some pretty good debates. But for the meantime I just sit in the back and make fun of my Hispanic friend, Hugo Javier Britos.

After school: After school, if I don't have a flag-football game or anything else, I try to get home as quick as possible and eat my traditional lunch, bite-size microwave egg-rolls and pineapple soda. Then I pick up my friend Milan, drive to the courts, play a set of tennis, and then serve a few buckets. Afterwards I return home, finish my homework, hop on the RiverMoo for a couple hours, and then call it a night after organizing everything for the morning.

In conclusion, Fruity Pebbles turn your teeth different colors, Lou Holtz's days at Notre Dame are numbered, and school is a good place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

This week's bonus, since I mentioned Chemistry, will be Feff's top ten favorite chemical elements:

10. Praseodymium (Pr)
9. Technetium (Tc)
8. Gadolinium (Gd)
7. Einsteinium (Es)
6. Mendelevium (Md)
5. Californium (Cf)
4. Strontium (Sr)
3. Ruthenium (Ru)
2. Berkelium (Bk)
1. Tin (Sn)