Weekly Whack: My Guestbook
My Guestbook
July 27, 1997

In the two years of Feff World, I would have to say one of my favorite features of the page is one that I had very little to do with. I'm talking about the guestbook. It's been almost like a ritual for me the past two years to everyday, or perhaps even multiple times a day, to log on. check my e-mail, and then hop over to Feff World to see if there are any new posts in my guestbook. There have been stretches of entire months without anybody posting, but I would still check everyday. However now I don't worry about going a month without seeing a new post, now I'm surprised when I go an hour without seeing a new post. There has been sort of a guestbook boom the past few months. A select handful of people who consist of friends of mine from home, friends of mine from school, and people I never met before, have all come together on my guestbook and made it their own personal forum. The only thing that they all share in common is Feff World, and all in all, that is just a recipe for pure insanity. So thus I thought I would look inward this week and focus this Whack on my guestbook.

A common misconception made about my guestbook is that I never posted on it. That's untrue, I was in fact the second person to ever post to it. If I remember correctly, Joe was the first person to post to it, saying something to the effect of, "I finally got the Feff World guestbook up, now come post to it!" The I dramatically followed him with a post that went something to the effect of, "Everybody who posts to my guestbook gets put in a drawing for a free glazed ham!" That was nearly two years ago, and I never posted to my guestbook since, and I have yet to give away a free glazed ham. But the reason why guestbook posters of today know nothing of this historic post is that it no longer exist, as does the guestbook it was posted on. You see, several guestbooks on Feff World that came before the current one were wiped out by freak deletions or other catastrophes. I remember once my brother Chris and his roommate Armando Nunez posted the entire contents of the infamous Jolly Roger cookbook, with blinking text no less, on my guestbook under the name of Jay Green, an old high school chum of the two. Joe was obviously forced to wipe out that guestbook, and opened the new guestbook with a fresh post viciously attacking the wrongly accused Jay Green. It was definitely an interesting period in guestbook history. But anyhoo, I guess that I have always chosen to be a lurker on my guestbook instead of an active participator, but maybe someday I'll post again.

While we are clearing up misconceptions, I would like to also clear up another one that is made about me by people who post on my guestbook. Contrary to popular belief, I do actually know HTML. I just don't use it. I took a seminar on the Web my first semester in college, an extensive section on HTML and web page creation was included. So I do know all my little tags and what not. The reason that I choose not to do any of the HTML for Feff World is because I am a traditionalist. Joe has always done it in the past, and I don't foresee a time where he'll stop doing it. Also, Joe is MUCH more skilled at it than me. It's like I'm a race car driver like Jeff Gordon, and Joe is my mechanic. Sure it's Jeff Gordon who drives the car, wins all the races, and gets all the attention, but he would be nothing without his mechanic fixing up his car. And also, I'm sure Jeff Gordon knows how to fix his own car, but why should he touch it if he has an expert mechanic working for him? So that explains once and for all why I don't do any HTML for Feff World, no matter how late the Whack is.

Well I don't think I could progress very far into this Whack without bringing up the whole issue of the guestbook celebrity. It seems that most people who regularly post to my guestbook spend more time talking about who is a bigger a guestbook celebrity than actually going out and being a guestbook celebrity. And I don't even want to go into the whole issue of what a "somebody" is. But anyway, a lot of people have come up with lists of who they think are the top guestbook celebrities, and I think it is about time that I put an end to all the debate and release my official top-ten ranking of guestbook celebrities. And being that I am Feff, and it is my guestbook, my word it final.

Number 1: Joe Hewitt - There is no other person who can claim this spot besides Joe. He had the first words on the guestbook, and he'll probably have the last. Without him there would be no guestbook. Although most things on Feff World are combinations of me and Joe, the guestbook was all Joe. He created it, and he kept it going despite the frustration of numerous deletions. He doesn't post everyday, he just posts when he feels he has to, and every word of his posts are read as if they coming straight out of the Bible.

Number 2: Noel Rogers - There is not a single person out there who can claim that they posted to the guestbook anything near the number of times as Noel did. I would have to estimate that nearly seventy-five percent of all the posts ever came from the head of Noel. Whether it was Noel as Noel, Noel as Baxter Wildmon, Noel as Zak Powers, Noel as Cedric Von Ermac, or whatever... Noel keeps the guestbook going. I never saw someone get into a debate with himself on a guestbook until I witnessed Noel pull it off. It is true that there would be no guestbook without Joe, but it would a very boring one without Noel.

Number 3: Steve Stanlick - Friends close to Steve have always joked about what it would be like if Steve ever got Internet access and was unleashed all throughout the Internet. Well last fall Steve finally got Internet access, and he unleashed himself all over my guestbook. Only Noel can say that he posted more times than Steve. But Steve gets a high ranking mainly because of what a pioneer he was. He was the first person to decide to regularly post to the guestbook, and he was the first person to comment on other people's posts in his own. The whole premise of having a guestbook debate or discussion was nothing until Steve came along and started one of his own. Most of how the guestbook functions today is thanks in part to Steve.

Number 4: Al Delimon - A controversial pick for this high of a spot, but I had to put him up there. While I has the second person to ever post to the guestbook, Al was the third. He has been there from the very beginning. He is the only person aside from Joe and I that can say that they followed the guestbook from the very beginning and continue to follow it. The only thing that holds him back from a higher spot is that the quality of his posts are a bit bland. But it also most be noted that Al is one of the early pioneers of the fake-post, a practice very common today. Al's been fake-posting long before Noel even knew that Feff World, or the Feff World guestbook even existed.

Number 5: Jennifer Goodland - Circumstances certainly reserve this famed female-poster a spot in the top five. Think about it, you have this girl living all the way in Colorado. She doesn't know me, she doesn't know Joe, she has nothing to do with Hopatcong, and she has nothing to do with Drew University. she doesn't share a single common thread with the other guestbook celebrities, yet she continues to post on. She was there when the guestbook was just beginning to boom, and she brings an angle to the guestbook that no one else can bring. We'll just have to forgive her for introducing pineapple soda hating fiend "Davey Pooh" Lustig to the guestbook.

Number 6: Russell Sprague - The first of my Drew friends to discover the guestbook, and the first person I know of who made a link directly to the guestbook. His posts are always verbose, always meaningful, and always controversial. A Russ post always adds some spice; he doesn't debate over who is a celebrity, he just is one.

Number 7: Marcus D'Ambrose - The leader of the new wave of guestbook posters, Towel Boy definitely adds some great insight to the guestbook. When I first introduced him to Feff World he became addicted to the Whacks, now he is addicted to the guestbook as well. He has to most potential from moving up in the rankings as time goes by, just as long as he ends those unnecessary Genesis postings. That is of course unless he mentions the part in The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway about JFK and Orange Julius.

Number 8: Harry Bernard - He came out of nowhere and many people did actually believe he was who he claimed to be. But he is, and he is still here posting. He is probably the only person who can make Steve and Noel agree on something, they both really don't like Harry. But love him or hate him, it looks like he is here to stay, and that makes him a celebrity.

Number 9: Scott Ikeda - I know he hasn't posted in a long time, but I still think it will take a bit more to knock him off the top ten list. There was a stretch last spring where Scott made the guestbook what it was, and we can't be so quick to forget that. The on-going debate he had with Steve during that time period was an absolute guestbook classic. All it will take is for Scott to start posting again, and he'll springboard straight to the top five.

Number 10: Jodi O'Donnell - Introduced to Feff World by Towel Boy, Jodi provides another much needed female voice in the male-dominated guestbook. It is still early in her guestbook posting career, but she shows enough potential that is he keeps it up, and other people start slipping, then she can start moving herself higher up on the list.

Well I think I have said enough on the issue and I'll end this post for this Whack. So to conclude for this week, the decision of the Feff is final; Scott Ikeda is gone from the guestbook but not forgotten; and there is no room on the guestbook for people who don't like pineapple soda.

Now for this week's very special feature, Feff's top ten favorite non-celebrity posters to the guestbook:

10. Brendan Jennings
9. Mike Rozycki
8. Sandy Silva
7. Capt. Brendan Dillon
6. Yvonne
5. The Spleen Jockeys
4. Monk Glenn
3. Cute-Joke-Lady
2. Wastella
1. Sticky